Advanced Style

I remember going shopping with my mom when I was a teenager. She expressed a concern once that I find myself thinking about now; am I dressing too young for my age? I remember that she said other ladies were talking about how she tries to dress like her daughters. I’m not sure if she just thought that they thought that, or someone actually told her that, but I remember saying that she shouldn’t listen to them and that I liked how she dressed. In fact, if I’m telling the truth, when she was gone, both my sister and I (and sometimes my sister’s friends), would grab stuff out of her closet and wear to school! My sister got busted for letting her friends borrow clothes when my mom’s clothes showed up in their school photos!  Ha! The point is she had a nice young style of dressing. When I look at photos of her from the past, she looks amazing!

At age 59, I find myself asking the question, am I dressing too young for my age. I don’t feel 59, that’s the problem. But, when I look in the mirror, I see myself looking older. Recently, I was looking back at photos of myself in my late 40’s. Looking at my face and body, I think I still looked pretty young then. There were almost no wrinkles on my face, no turkey neck, very little gray hair and I still wore bikinis. (Side note: On my 50^th birthday, someone asked me if I was going to stop wearing bikinis now? I laughed because I didn’t know if it was a compliment or a request!)

Now when I look at photos, my face and body are showing my age. That’s really okay, but it just surprised me how fast it happened!  Now, I have things that I know don’t look good on me anymore, things I used to wear all the time! Things like flared jeans (bell bottoms), short skirts, cropped tops, big earrings, bikinis, band t-shirts, leggings, tight camis, short dresses, full makeup every day, big hair and low waisted jeans. Now, they look ridiculous on me. (I still wear my band t-shirts, dammit! Those were the best bands ever! Rock on! I also wear my bikini but only at home or on vacation when I am tan and no one knows me!)

I don’t want to look ridiculous. I have seen people who obviously dress too young and I have cringed at that!  I don’t want to look like I am desperately trying to cling to my youth!  I also don’t want to dress too old because I have seen those people too and I just want to tell them that they would look so much better if they didn’t wear the their old lady church dresses, or baggy clothes to hide their bodies.

To me, there are different categories of dressing as we age:

·         Bad “dressing too young”

·         Dressing for comfort only

·         People who dress however they want to dress and don’t give a damn!

·         Advanced Style

 Bad “dressing too young”-  I already went over this but, most women my age can’t shop at Forever 21, even if they are thin enough to fit into their styles. I heard a terrible radio show once that said horrible things about aging women. I was in my 30’s when I heard it, but I remember one phrase “Butter Face”!  What they were joking about (very wrongly, by the way) was seeing a woman with a great body and then she turns around and her face is old, hence their saying, “Ya, she’s got a great body, but- her-face!!!” So, Butter Face was their descriptive of that phenomenon. Obviously, it stuck with me.  I think if you are trying to dress like you’re 20, when people see you, and they know you’re not 20 and you get a bad reaction. Trying too hard to look young only calls attention to yourself – it’s overcompensating. You don’t need to dress like a teenager to look young. It’s like the theory of lying about your age, if you say you’re younger, then people could think, “Wow, hard life!”  But if you lie and say you’re older, people could think, “Wow, you look amazing!”  Dress that way if you want, but realize that you aren’t fooling anyone. However,  I am still gonna wear my band t-shirts because they make me happy!

Dressing for comfort only- I have long savored the prospect of letting myself go. Just giving in to aging, wearing comfortable clothes, eating what I want, exercising if I felt like it, but I have a theory on this too! (I have lots of theories!) If you give in to aging, it will take over and you will age faster! I dress comfortable at home, I even go to the store that way.  I don’t care about doing that.  I don’t wear makeup every day anymore and I don’t wash my hair everyday anymore. It’s not necessary, and I feel like it’s just too much now. But, I DO want to live healthy for as long as possible. I have two healthy parents as examples! They are in their 80’s, they are independent, and they do things they love to do. I want to fight for that blessing, so I won’t give in to aging ….yet!

People who dress however they want to dress and don’t give a damn!- I adore those funky Instagram  grandmothers who dance around in their baubles, wear bright colors and turbans, because they refuse to fade, hide or be old! I’d like to be like that when I’m 80, but I’m not like that NOW, so why would I be like that then? What I take from them is that it’s okay to be YOURSELF as you age. I might not be comfortable doing that, but I admire them, and I think they look amazing because they aren’t trying to look younger; they are having fun and expressing themselves!

Advanced style- As we age and gain wisdom and maturity, we are expected to be “classic,” or “sophisticated,” and to be more “demure” — and dull, and fade into the background. Our time is done, and we need to accept our place in society. But, I refuse!  Style should be based more on our lifestyle, which includes image as well as practical concerns, than on our age. Advanced style is a great term for it. At this stage in our life, we have different priorities, responsibilities and activities. Our style needs to fit all of those. It doesn’t matter what you wear as long as it fits well, makes you happy and you can do your life in it! Be a funky Instagram grandma, be a classic woman, be an active casual woman, but just be yourself at your age. That’s all you can be, if you try to be someone else, or try to be younger that you are, you just look cringe-worthy!

Turkey Neck

I read a book several years ago by Nora Ephron called, “I Feel Bad About My Neck”! It was a good book, she was a very funny writer, but at the time I didn’t really relate to the neck part. Around the same time, I would hear men on radio shows talk about older women and their “turkey” necks, and how it made them look so old and unattractive. Pissed off, I changed the station and quit listening to them, but the comment stayed with me!

About 2 years ago, maybe more, I started noticing my neck in photos! Then I started fixating on it and trying to diminish the wrinkly loose skin by standing taller, elongation my neck, and learning how to disguise it better with clothes. But, there it was, the neck Nora Ephron wrote about, on me!!

(Side Note: I just saw this "remedy" for turkey neck!! 😉  )




If you watch the Kardashians or the Real Housewives, you’ll see that they live a whole different life than you and me. Their whole focus is their looks! They spend their time on hair, makeup, full time exercising and cosmetic procedures all with the goal of staying young. It seems that in LA, if you are not young and beautiful, you are irrelevant. The problem is, eventually with enough cosmetic procedures they just look alien, not young. They go too far to be something that they ultimately cannot be, …young!

If you look at magazines, you’ll see perfect people, with perfect skin, hair and bodies. But, you have to realize that these girls are in their 20's, and even then they are photo shopped to look perfect! So, you are chasing a goal that isn’t real either.
 

Even older movie stars are photo shopped, so you can’t really compare yourself to them. I tried to find pictures of stars necks, and there are some, but most are photo shopped out!

Diane Keaton can have turkey neck, but usually she dresses for it, and occasionally they photo shop it out.  She is still beautiful anyway!

 

Patti Hansen is a 60 year old former model, and she has turkey neck in some photos, but you would still call her beautiful, right? I would!!

Christy Brinkley’s neck is almost always photo shopped, but occasionally you can see the turkey neck. Of course she is still beautiful!

 

 

I started looking for pictures of real women who are older and don't try to look younger.....

 

 

 

(ok, she is a very successful model, but she looks like a gorgeous version of her age!)

...and they are beautiful!

So, I think we need real people as examples of beauty as we age.  Ultimately, I want to be healthy and happy, to have grace and elegance and I want to be a kind and thoughtful woman!

I don’t want to focus on my neck, so I won’t!

In fact, after looking at some of these older beautiful women, including my mother, I have decided that I am going to let my hair go gray. I’m hoping it will be pretty like my mom’s, but if not, I will just get a cool haircut!

There is so much we don’t know when we’re young! We were so judgmental about how people looked, including ourselves! What a waste of time!