Entitled

Entitled.

It’s a hot button word these days. It means different things to people. It causes anger in people who feel threatened by it, because they don’t like being seen that way.

To me, entitled behavior means that;

1. Someone expects special treatment just because they feel they are special people, or

2. Someone feels like they are not responsible for their actions and the results of their actions, other people are.

But, life doesn’t just “happen” to people; life is a result of choices we make. When you feel like you don’t deserve what is happening to you, you need to take a look at why it is happening.  What choices are you making that are setting up your life circumstances? Other people may be able to cause you some problems, but it is your choices that ultimately drive your life. You can control your part in how others affect your life, but only if you realize that they don’t determine the trajectory of your life, YOU DO!

If you feel that other people owe you something, you are going to be disappointed and then angry, because other people owe you nothing. Maybe your parents owe you something when you’re a child, but once you are an adult, making your own choices, you alone are responsible.

(Side note: As a parent, sometimes we continue to help out of guilt, the guilt that we did not parent well or the guilt that maybe we screwed up our child’s life. But, helping out of guilt is almost always destructive, to us and to our adult child. It’s not that parents should never help their adult child, but the parents should really think about WHY they are helping, and if it is guilt or to make them feel better or to stop an uncomfortable situation, then they need to be cautious, and rethink HOW to help.)

When you feel like someone owes you a good life, play it out in your head. What would that look like? You are angry that you don’t have the job you want/deserve, the house you want/deserve, the car you want/deserve. Do you think someone OWES you a house, car, position in a company, money, status? If you got it all, how would you feel? Would you feel like you didn’t earn it, therefore why work at it. Would you feel like if you lost it all, they would give it to you again? Think about that. Is that good for anyone? NO!

Your life needs to be managed. There are people out there, who call themselves “life coaches”, if you hired one of them, what would you look for? I would look for someone to gather all the information, make a plan, and break it down into steps that make sense and are easy for me to follow.  Would you hire yourself as your life coach/manager? Are you doing a good job? Are you getting what you want in life? If not, why not? What is in your way?

Here are some questions you would need to ask yourself before talking to a life manager or coach, so ask yourself now;
1.       What do you want in life? What kind of job, what kind of house or car, what kind of vacations, what kind of relationships with family, friends and marriage? In other words, paint a picture of your ideal life, a life that would make you happy.
2.       What are the obstacles in your way?  What can you do about them, remembering that you are only able to control what YOU do?  The obstacles could be your finances, your relationships, your addictions or your emotional issues.
3.       What do you need to do to remove the obstacles? It depends on what the obstacles are, but the action you take needs to be YOUR action. It is YOUR life; it is YOUR responsibility to make it what you want.
4.       What are the steps you need to take to go after the life you want? Education? Financial advice? Psychological counselling?

Now, you take the actions you need to do and break them down into manageable steps. This is where making a personal list comes in, a list that only you see, and that is brutally honest. Sometimes, we don’t like the action that we KNOW we need to take, so we ignore it. But, that won’t help you to remove your obstacle, and the obstacle that remains will keep you from improving your life and getting what you want.

If you have a list with manageable steps, and you work on them every day, you will get there, it may take time, but you will have what is important to you. It’s possible that your ideas of what you really want and need in your life will change as you work on yourself, but that’s okay because it is your life.

Working on the obstacles, and removing them from your life will give you pride in yourself, confidence, and you will be happier, even before you achieve your goals.  

Of course, you might say, “No way, that is NOT what’s wrong in my life, it IS their fault, they DO owe me everything I say they do, and I will make their lives hell until I get my way”, in which case you are in for a very rough, sad and lonely life.  

PLEASE, grow up, get help for yourself, own your mistakes, respect your family, and finally move forward in your life. It’s all we want.